Test Drive: 2024 BMW XM Label Has Me Seeing Red

The cover of this book is just ridiculous.  It has got the snout of an angry pig and squinty snake eyes.  Its tail sports twin stacks of hexagonal tailpipes and a faux diffuser.  The massive 22″ wheels are black with red highlighting, and the pair of laser-etched roundels on the trunk glass are a galling homage to the BMW M1.  (The reference is shocking as the XM Label is more than twice as heavy and almost three times as powerful as the graceful M1.)

Slipping into the driver’s seat does little to calm my feelings that the BMW styling team ran horribly amok when they penned the XM Label.  The interior is laid thick with dog-whistle references to high-performance M cars:  Carbon fiber trim with blue and red threads adorns the dash, the dash vents have been painted red (as if it will make the A/C blow harder!), and the steering wheel has the largest carbon fiber flappers I’ve seen in any BMW.  Talk about trying too hard!

Looking backward, I find a dim, cavernous rear cabin with comfortable seats.  But, my attention quickly shifts to the ceiling, as it’s circled with blue ambient lighting and covered in crystalline forms.  (BMW says the headliner is a “three-dimensional prism structure,” which suggests that the trapezoids and triangles pop out of the ceiling.)   The ceiling appears to be a bizarro alternative to the Rolls Royce starscapes, but who knows why BMW chose to model the night sky as seen in a cavern.

Inside and out, the $185k XM Label is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  The designers went wild, and the result is retinal scorching.

The XM Label has a saving grace, though.  The M engineering team also had free reign.  They’ve packed this SUV with some formidable performance equipment.

For go, the M division built a new M hybrid system out of BMW’s familiar 4.4L twin-turbo V8 and a potent electric motor.  The V8 contributes a healthy 577 hp and 553 lb-ft, but when working together with the e-motor, the drivetrain makes 738 hp and 738 lb-ft.  (738 lb-ft is not so coincidentally 1,000 Nm of torque.)

The XM Label can drive on electric propulsion for ~30 miles and will recharge its modest battery in about 3.25 hours.  Conceivably, you could run your local commute and errands in the XM Label without burning a drop of gas.  However, if you think silent running in the XM will let you go unnoticed, you are delusional—the XM’s styling is shouty enough to be heard from a mile away.

Plenty of heavy and powerful vehicles choke on corners, but the XM Label isn’t one of them.  The SUV’s 738 hp goes to the wheels through an 8-speed automatic transmission and M xDrive AWD system.  The M xDrive is the special sauce for good handling.  It is rear-biased and includes an eLSD that intelligently vectors torque to the rear wheels for improved cornering.

The suspension is tricky, too.  The dampers are electronically adjustable and tuned for performance driving, and active roll bars stabilize the XM Label’s body roll for level cornering.  Mix in rear-axle steering that virtually lengthens or shortens the wheelbase as needed, and you’ve got the recipe for a three-ton SUV that can dance.

Clearly, the M engineers wanted the XM Label to be fast and dynamic.  Have they succeeded?  In less than five minutes of drive time, I confirmed that, yes, they have.

The first shocker was how strong the XM Label’s throttle response was.  Even though I could hear the V8 growling in the background, the XM Label leaped like an EV when I prodded the accelerator.  BMW uses a reducer gear on its electric motor to increase the torque to 332 lb-ft, which was clearly noticeable from the driver seat. 

And it’s not just the throttle response that was thrilling—the XM label was terrifically quick, too.  BMW quotes a 0-60 mph blitz in 3.7s if launch mode is used.  However, thanks to the hybrid torque fill, much of that performance was available from a roll.

The XM Label had a growly and percussive engine sound, which sounds partially synthesized but was pleasing nonetheless.  The layers of fake sound expressed the e-motor’s work, and there was a clear sense of the drivetrain load and engine revs.

It was a new experience for me to have an EV’s immediate response and an eight-speed transmission.  It provided an insight into the coming crop of hybrid supercars:  Engines with laggy turbos or lackluster low-rpm response can be made everyday usable thanks to electrification.

I enjoyed flipping the flappy paddles as I accelerated, braked, and accelerated again.  Though the XM Label’s gear changes were a step slower than the M8’s (which I drove earlier), they were predictable and involving.  I would use the paddles for sporty driving rather than let the transmission pick its gears.

With the suspension slackened in Comfort mode, the XM Label struck a balance between ride comfort and wheel control that was fit for an M5.  The tight response was amplified when I double-pressed the M2 button to turn up the wick on the chassis, drivetrain, and stability control settings.  In M2 mode, the bumps were firmly felt in the cabin, and a tickle of road texture made it through the tires into the steering and seat.

The taut ride was an asset when the road bent through the forest.  The behemoth XM Label followed the corners with the poise and agility of a super sedan.  Body roll was largely squashed by the active anti-roll bars, and the torque-vectoring AWD let the SUV shoot out of the corners with a rear-driven push.  From the driver’s seat, I was conducting a full orchestra of performance hardware, and the resulting piece was delightful.  If I owned the XM Label, I’d absolutely be hunting down my favorite canyons on the weekends!

The second half of my short test drive was a rinse-and-repeat.  I dawdled through a neighborhood in Comfort mode, still feeling the bumps underfoot.  I hucked it through some s-curves and relished its chassis balance and willing handling.  Blasting away from a stop sign, I felt the rear tires struggling to maintain grip under the massive twist.  While the XM Label was startlingly quick, it felt more like a 600-hp vehicle due to its scale-crushing weight.

At the end of my short time with the XM Label, I reconsidered the SUV’s outsized appearance.  The aggressive styling writes a check that the performance hardware does, in fact, cash.  Owners will be jabbing those M buttons and flicking those carbon fiber shift paddles at first sight of a cloverleaf interchange or a canyon road.  They will be roaring away from stop lights with ICE noise and EV alacrity, surprising unsuspecting EV drivers with their dust.  Frankly, the XM Label’s freaky performance lets me embrace this cartoonish SUV.

In that light, the red-accented wheels, angry eyes, flared nostrils, crimson seats and M-colored carbon fiber are okay by me.  The XM Label can flamboyantly flaunt its M homage since it writes its own captivating chapter on M performance.