Review: 2017 BMW 540i xDrive is Stealth Wealth

It takes just a second in my brother’s new car to remind me that I’m a BMW guy. A myriad of clues spark the reminder, including the chunky grip of the M Sport steering wheel, the granite-solid doors, and the stepped twirl of the iDrive controller. Thanks to my six years in the BMW fold, the 2017 BMW 540i immediately feels like home.

And yet, the G30 5-series is a model which I hardly know. I had an hour in this generation’s M5—technically, that was a G90—but otherwise, I have only driven adjacent models like the M850i. While I loved the hair-on-fire M5 and M850i, I have mixed hopes for the 540i, as it aims to coddle where the others aimed to thrill. Will I find appeal in the 540i’s comfort mission?

It’s unclear from the spec sheet if I’ll leave pleased or pouty.

The good news is that my brother’s car is optioned with the M Sport and Executive packages. Respectively, these should wow me dynamically and technologically. The first adds a tighter suspension tune and chunkier steering wheel, while the second loads the 540i with tech like keyless entry, HUD, 360-degree parking cameras, and kick-to-open trunk access.

But the addition of xDrive all-wheel drive and omission of the adjustable-damping suspension are reasons to fret. xDrive can sap a car’s handling prowess, and BMW’s non-adjustable M Sport suspensions can deliver a paint-shaker ride.

So is the car a peach or a prune? The truth is in the eating, so I fire up the 540i and start munching the miles.

On today’s drive, I have the hometown advantage. I’m starting from my driveway, and learning a car’s nuances is easiest on familiar roads. My impressions rapidly form as I wind my way out of the neighborhood.

First off, this is a quiet car. Those hefty triple-sealed doors keep the road and engine noises at bay. The urban roar—traffic, commuter rail, and city buses—is shut out, too.

Second, the 540i is downright comfortable. The front seats—massive thrones swathed in white leather—are cushy and supportive. (And they avoid the pressure points that bothered me in the M340i and X3.)

Over rippled tarmac, the M Sport suspension is toeing the fine line between taut wheel control and jolt-free driving. It never crashes through potholes but doesn’t float above the fray. (The competition’s magnetic ride and air suspensions do better magic-carpet impressions.) Nevertheless, the balanced tuning is spot on for an M Sport, and thanks to the pillowy seats, it’s still a delightful ride on my neglected streets.

I have a favorite road for benchmarking steering feedback. Here, the 540i’s helm is quick and accurate and communicates the larger impacts and cracks. The thumps and textures I feel in my fingertips are gently echoed in the seats and floor. I’m happy to have these driving hints, but I miss the tug of ruts and road camber in the steering. Yet bump steer is a distraction that doesn’t fit the 540i’s mission, so I understand why BMW tuned it out of the helm.

It’s not long before we turn onto the freeway. I dip into the throttle and send the 540i rushing up the onramp. The 540i is motivated by BMW’s famed B58 engine, a 3.0L turbocharged I6 (straight-six), but I can’t feel an iota of turbo lag as I get on the gas. Instead, the power is smooth and strong and sustained to the 7k rpm redline. (The car lets loose a sporty burp with the upshift.)

While the 5-series hierarchy has two faster models—the V8 M550i and M5—the 540i is no slouch. Its familiar straight-six song and vibration-free power are BMW hallmarks. (I find the I6 vastly more satisfying than the 2.0L I4 from the 530i.) But I’ll admit that the 540i’s 335 hp and 332 lb-ft can’t knock my socks off. The car is swift but not scorching; yes, I’m jaded after years of owning high-horsepower automobiles.

No worries, though, because I’ve also developed an appreciation for stealth and comfort in those years. These are qualities that the 540i has in spades! The mature 540i foregoes the shouty exhausts and crackle-tune backfires of its V8 brothers—and the unwanted attention they attract, too. From inside the quickly accelerating 540i, the exhaust note is muted, and we simply hear the I6’s induction notes.

A chime sounds in the cabin as I complete my highway merge. The (customizable) speed warning is telling me that I’ve exceeded 75 mph. While the 540i is still vigorously pulling towards triple-digit speeds, I lift off the gas to preserve my license. The 540i may have a stealthy appearance and autobahn breeding, but the California Highway Patrol doesn’t tolerate a 100 mph trot.

As I cruise with traffic, the car settles into an easy lope, and the engine noise fades away. The steering (in Comfort mode) is light and direct, and it is effortless to pilot the 540i down the highway. Thanks to the calm and quiet cabin, I don’t even have to raise my voice as I chat with my brother and chew through the miles. The 5- and 7-series share a platform, and clearly, some of the flagship’s refinement has trickled down to the 540i.

After a little while, I let my brother drive. After all, it’s his new car, and he is eager to enjoy it.

From the passenger’s seat, I use the rotary control and touchscreen to dig through the iDrive menus. I’m pleased to find customizable Sport and Eco drive modes. With these, the driver can call up his individualized go-fast (or go-slow) settings by triple-pressing the corresponding drive-mode button on the center console.

Then I find a long menu of active safety options. This 540i has pedestrian collision detection, blind spot warning, lane-keeping assist (it vibrates the wheel and nudges you back into your lane), and forward collision avoidance. These are nice, but I wish for the adaptive cruise control and lane following that are conveniences on other BMWs.

There are some fluff features, too, like the five color schemes for the cabin mood lighting. The lighting is piped around the dash and doors, adding ambiance to the handsome interior. (For a Pink Floyd-style light show, turn to Mercedes; the E300 offers interior lights with a full spectrum of colors.)

I’m overjoyed that the G30 5-series has dedicated knobs and buttons for the stereo, climate control and drive modes. Like has long been true in BMWs, I can program the radio preset buttons with my favorite map destinations or iDrive screens and then activate them with a single jab. What a shame that shortcuts like these are disappearing from the newest BMWs!

We test iDrive’s voice commands and are impressed when it finds my brother’s apartment complex by name rather than by street address. Moreover, once the destination is accepted, the directions appear in the full-color HUD. How cool!

Five minutes later, we pull into the complex’s underground garage. As my brother slides the car between his neighbor’s Honda and a concrete wall, the 540i intelligently activates its 360-degree parking cameras and parking sonar. A bird’s eye view of the car is presented side-by-side with the front camera feed, and augmented-reality squares of green, orange and red help visualize the distance to obstacles. It’s an impressive and intuitive system that should help keep the 540i ding free. (Unless his neighbors make a boo-boo!)

While my brother runs upstairs to grab his backpack, I peek at the trunk and rear seats. The trunk will easily accommodate airport luggage or golf bags. If you fold the seats flat, long items like skis and televisions will fit, too. The rear seats have ample headroom, good legroom, and soft cushioning. As a parent, I see why I’d upgrade from a tighter 3-series to the more commodious 5-series once my kids hit puberty: full-size humans fit better in the back seat of the 540i.

My brother returns, and it’s time for me to head home.

We take the scenic route so I can explore the 540i’s moves on twisty Grizzly Peak. I enjoy the crisp-shifting transmission and composed chassis for three corners, but then I get stuck behind a slow-moving minivan. Argh! Although I wish I could explore the chassis more thoroughly, I sense that the 540i doesn’t hide its two tons but nevertheless dances adroitly on challenging roads.

My afternoon with the 540i is over, and I’m smitten. The 540i rides well, handles well, croons and coddles—it does everything I expect from a large BMW! And, as a 2017, it comes from the sweet spot of BMW interior and exterior design; it is handsome without being fussy or showy.

Even more impressive is that this 40k-mile 5-series is as tight and spotless as the day it was delivered—it has no creaks or rattles, and the white leather is still pristine. For $33k used, the 540i is an incredible value.