BMW would like to sell you a shark on wheels. They call it the M850i xDrive Gran Coupe, and it is a beastly machine meant for dusting Dacias and pulverizing Peugeots on the autobahn. If you have petrol in your veins, I think you’ll like it.
Be warned, though, in the age of performance EVs and hybrids, the M850i is practically prehistoric. At its heart is a 523 hp 4.4L turbo V8 that’s as fast at draining its fuel tank (17 city/24 hwy) as it is at sprinting to 60 mph (3.7s). Its slick 8-speed automatic is no goody-two-shoes either: throw it in Sport, and it enables the engine’s hedonistic tendencies. In fact, it’s just the AWD and enormous brakes that have any desire to save your skin.
Circle this shark from a distance, and you’ll appreciate that this BMW hails from the before days when kidney grills still had a sense of proportion. The beast’s flared nostrils cap a body which is streamlined for speed. The driver sits in the middle of the car, with as much engine ahead as there is trunk (and seats) behind. This is coupe thinking applied to a four-door.
Venture inside, and you’ll find that the styling steals leg and headroom. In the front seat, you peer through gun-slit windows while your legs are boxed in by the girthy transmission tunnel. The backseat is bisected by the same transmission tunnel, though strangely, there is a middle seatbelt. (Where will the center passenger put their legs?) The headroom is tight in the rear, and occupants over 6 feet tall will have their hair in the soft headliner. The trunk is sizable and ready for long journeys—long journeys which you’ll want to take because this car was meant to cross continents.
Why? Because the M850i is as comfortable as it is fast. Its supple shocks sop up bumps as well as white bread clears egg yolk. Its sculpted seats look sporty but give soft hugs through thick padding. This is a cruiser, not a rib bruiser!
(A 4700 lb car doesn’t need racing buckets…)
So here’s how you will use the M850i Gran Coupe: You’ll turn some heads, enjoy the V8’s grumble, and cover ground fast.
Fire up the M850i, and the V8 barks to life, startling bystanders. The Gran Coupe’s slinky styling keeps all eyes glued on you as you drive away. Wafting through town, the M850i feels sucked forward as if by a vacuum—even the softest touch on the throttle keeps the car gliding. Nearing the highway, Sport mode becomes irresistible. At the button’s push, the soft burble turns into a throaty snarl, and the M850i lunges down the onramp like a great white after a seal. Laughing—perhaps maniacally—you proceed directly to the fast lane and shred miles. When you arrive at your destination, you’re early and relaxed.
(If only you lived in Germany, then you could have made time! The vicious V8, controlled ride, rear-steer, and long wheelbase are perfect for taming 150-mph sweepers.)
The M850i doesn’t beg for twisties, but if you did throw the car down a canyon road, it would comply—enjoyably, too. The rear-biased AWD approximates RWD thrills, and the suspension quells body roll (but doesn’t completely quash it.)
Yet canyon runs aren’t the M850i’s reason for existence: It’s about the show, the go, and the layers of luxury. Who doesn’t like German luxury fineries motivated by a burly V8?
Let’s put it this way: the M850i swaggers like an old-school E63 and seems set on stealing sales from AMG. It’s going to work—AMGs used to emphasize comfort and emotion over lap times, and the M850i does, too. If you like the formula, BMW’s got an autobahn shark for you.
Mike's Steering Column 