After a 20-year hiatus, the 8-series has returned to BMW’s lineup. Its most hairy-chested rendition—at least until an M8 arrives—is the M850i xDrive. To afford it, you’ll need a gold chain swinging from your chest, as this big coupe—why doesn’t BMW call this a gran coupe?—starts at $112k and quickly climbs with options. Is this M850i worth the high price of admission? After today’s drive, I’d have to say yes. And here is why…
Every 15 minutes, the low, gray BMW M850i slunk back into the BMW Ultimate Driving Experience parking corral. Parked, its driver’s door would open, and someone with a shit-eating grin on their face would emerge from the mega coupe. The next lucky driver would climb inside the M850i, press the Start button and its gloriously nasty burble, and then a shit-eating grin would light up on my face. BMW, it seems, has learned the art of V8 theater.
Finally, my name is called off the waitlist, my feet carry me—and my goofily grinning face—to the long door of the M850i, and I plop down in the sculpted leather seat. All the interior components—handles, switches, screens, vents and wheels—are immediately familiar to me from other current BMWs, but in the M850i, it’s all just a little bit nicer. The leather for the dash, seats and steering wheel is full-on, buttery smooth, M quality, rather than the mid-grade leather found in X3s and M340is. The premium speakers are covered in swirling, laser-cut aluminum plates. And the gearshift and iDrive controls are rendered in faceted crystal. In fact, I can see a glowing 8 inside the glass shifter.
I press the engine start-stop button, and the turbo V8, good for 523 hp, fires to life with a grumble, a belch and a cackle. Someone at BMW has noticed how Mercedes-AMG V8’s are flying off the lots and has taken a swing at the nemesis from Stuttgart. I’d say this is a prime example of competition improving the breed.
Low, long and sleek, the M850i matches a great white shark for a menacing appearance. (At approximately 16 feet, it matches the shark in length too.) That is unless you look closely, at which point you’ll see the swooping canopy and trunk lid of a Ford Mustang GT. Never mind, both cars are extremely sexy.
I slowly slink out of the test drive corral, and I’m amused with the overrun cackles from the baritone V8. Usually, BMWs start in Comfort mode for silent running and best fuel economy, but the M850i struts with a loud voice and a puffed-out chest from the get-go.
Get-go? The M850i sure as hell can. At the first straightaway, I stop, pause, and then smash the gas pedal to the floor. The M850i lunges down the road with its nose lifted to the sky. The AWD puts down the 523 hp and 553 lb-ft with ease. There’s no wheelspin from the big coupe, just efficient, seat-pinning acceleration. (I do miss the BMW M340i’s wheel spinning theatrics.) At 60 mph, I relax my right foot and then cackle in symphony with the M850i’s exhaust. BMW says the M850i dispatches 0-60 mph runs in 3.5s. I believe it. It’s so easy and fun that I do it again. And again, and again…
Once I calm down, so does the M850i. I’m used to fast cars having firm rides, but the M850i rides on a cloud. Of all the cars at the BMW Driving Experience today, the M850i’s ride comfort is closest to that of the air suspension equipped X5, an SUV that is so comfortable that I’ve claimed it should be BMW’s flagship vehicle.
I feel silly admitting it, but the M850i is the first true grand tourer that I’ve driven. Although its price matches a Porsche 911’s, the M850i competes more squarely with the likes of the Mercedes SL and Bentley Continental GT than it does pure sports cars. Are GT cars just muscle cars that have been sweetened with luxury trappings? I now see just how alluring the recipe of sexy styling, fistfuls of power and heavenly comfort can be.
I take the M850i up a sweeping highway pass. Even with the car in its sharpest Sport Plus mode, the ride is silky smooth and compliant. The M850i rolls mildly as I transition into each sweeping bend but clings to the road. The grand coupe doesn’t shrink or disguise its 4,167 lb curb weight as speeds increase. (The dynamic sensations aren’t too dissimilar from those of my CTS-V wagon, another two-ton vehicle with a soft suspension and a 550 hp punch.) While the M850i can corner, it seems best suited to midnight autobahn runs or blasts across Nevada’s US Hwy 50, the “Loneliest Road.” The BMW M850i is a muscle car for effortlessly crossing continents.
I look out of the chopped windscreen and see the engine bonnet stretching for ages ahead of me. Who will buy this car? German titans of industry with country cottages? Retired fighter-jet jockeys in Florida and Texas? Saudi princelings with get-out-of-jail-free cards? Whoever the buyers are, they need deep pockets, a petrol-fueled sense of humor, and a love for the world’s finest comforts. I’m not well-heeled enough to cavort with this crowd, but I do share their humor and taste in toys. This is the finest toy from Munich that I’ve sampled in a long time.
Mike's Steering Column 